Log in

27 December 2012 @ 09:48 pm
My banner is made by: kawaiikame  My layout is made by: joongie  Name: Pomme-Chan Age: 20 status: Single forever <3 Hi everyone. As you can tell you have to comment me to be added. So please comment me. I am a very friendly person. I am very happy most days but you will mostly here me ramble about how I hate this town I am stuck in and also how some people annoy me terrible. I am young but  I know more than people give me credit for. If you look to the side bar you can add me to things. I have a lot. Also. I am a normal girl who has a passion for living. I live for one reason. Music. It is the air I breathe the reason I smile the reason I sleep. If I could listen to music 24/7 I would. You can talk to me about anything. I am very good at listening to people.

Oh and if you like knowing about certain bands.

I am good at finding info so just ask me. <3 ~Pomme~

Current Location: RED OCEAN
Current Mood: bouncybouncy
Current Music: One by DBSK
23 April 2012 @ 01:04 pm
So a long time ago back in 2009 (okay not really such a long time ago), My mother was having a hard time and she filed bankruptcy. It was not something she was proud of but she had to do it. She did it so she could keep her house, and work back from her mistakes. She didn't want to but it was hard for her. Well at that point in time my family (mother's side) Was still dealing with the estate of my grandma after her death in 2007. It took them a long time to settle things, and for everyone to actually get along enough to do this. My mom was in a really bad spot and was forced to file bankruptcy. Her family really got mad at her and the aunt I was closest to decided that she wanted to dislike my mom. So she took it out on all of us children by deleting me and not talking to me for 2 years. Just recently she added me back to facebook and wanted me to forgive her. I have a very forgiving heart but I am not sure I can put up with abuse after abuse. She hurt me in such a way that I am not sure that I can ever trust her again. It hurts me on a deep level, that will take awhile to heal.

My baby sister, her and I always have our rough patches but lately she has been hanging out with this girl who is a very bad person.. but she thinks she knows everything. This girl does drugs and I am sure she is going to get my sister involved in this kinda of stuff. I have known my sister for 21 years, I know how she acts and I know what she is like. She is becoming to dependent on this girl. I am just worried about her and she wants to lash out and attack me. I do not understand it. I have done nothing wrong. I wish she would understand that.

Than I have to get another job because my current job is just not paying enough. Plus my new boss doesn't give me enough hours so now I am struggling to make ends meet and helping my mother. I am trying so hard right now and I feel overwhelmed by it all. I really need to get a good luck streak going to soon. I am not sure I can put up with much more disappointment.

I need to get my ass going so I can make a car payment before the 4th of May.
Current Location: hell
Current Mood: blahblah
Current Music: Fallen Leaves by JYJ

So lately I have been really trying hard to find the positive in every negative thing I come across. I have actually been doing really well doing that but than somethings get to me worse than others. I have been struggling with the fact I have an issue with feeling replaced. I have always felt bugged by it, because I do feel like when someone is replaced than they are forgotten. (Trust me this is not like I made this up, it has happened to me several times) ANYWAYS not the point.

My baby sister, who I really do love but things with us are very difficult because it does not matter how much love I give that girl it just seems to be lost on her. I spend so much time trying to make sure things are okay between us, a lot of my energy goes towards her and most of my family. I spend a lot of time trying to help everyone and pleasing them but I am okay doing that because I love when everyone is happy and smiling. So I don't mind doing all that but it is bugging me that I feel like she moved out and is replacing me with everyone else. All because I asked her for the gas money she owed me. I do not really think I was in the wrong for asking for this. I am not sure she understands that I work and I drive back and forth.

Not to mention the other day I had to go to the doctor and I needed 4 dollars to fill my prescriptions and she wouldn't even help me with that. I really did feel hurt by that, these pills are to help me feel better because my blood pressure is so out of whack. So when I asked for help she was like sorry I really cannot do anything. When in fact she really could have helped me but her husband has asked her to stop helping us and stop seeing us as much. I haven't spent more than 2 hours with her in 2 weeks. It really hurts my feelings and makes me so sad to even think about it.  I actually needed her and she just said nope.


Maybe I took it to heart to much.

I really am trying not to be sad over this but it is hard.. she is suppose to be my baby sister.... not just his wife.

Family always comes first in my eyes. ALWAYS.

And my friends are my family so they always come first.

Current Location: hell
Current Mood: blankblank
Current Music: Found You by JYJ
13 March 2012 @ 11:16 am
*yawns* someone tag me in one. lol :)
Tags: ,
Current Location: hell
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: Wrong Number by DBSK
06 March 2012 @ 01:01 pm
Dear Grandma and Grandpa,

Lately I have not been myself, I try to be okay but I seem to be a hollow shell walking about. I really miss you both very much. I wish I knew if everything was going to be okay right now, because sometimes I feel as though things are to hard. I miss the love and comfort you both gave to me, and most of all I miss the times we all had. I am sad every time I see kids out and about with their grandparents, well I guess it makes me highly jealous of them. I just miss you both so much and want nothing more to make you both proud of me. I try my hardest to be an outstanding person, and always try to make everyone smile. I do what I think I do best, and that is caring for everyone. I try so hard to love everyone because I know more than anything you want your family to be happy.

I am trying so hard to be happy and just to be content with my life. It is so hard right now. I am struggling and as much as I talk about it I just feel as though no one really sees this person. The person who I am now and the person I want to be are completely different. I am striving to be this new person but I am not sure I can get there on my own. I feel so alone at times, and so cut off.
I wonder if you guys see how everyone has grown apart, how I no longer have the relationship with my cousins or Aunt Teresa. I wonder if she knows how much I miss her and how much I wish for things to go back. I use to be able to go to her after grandma died but now I just simply have no adult like that. I use to have cousin Tena but I haven't seen her in 5 plus years now. I have not seen Teresa since mom filed for bankruptcy and I see AJ every once in awhile he seems that he wants everyone to get along except Rita, they all just do not want to get a long at all. I wonder if they every will be friends again. I really do not think that will happen, I think she will continue to say we all hate her and include us kids in that without even asking us. Everyone treats us like it is our faults still, I do not think any of this is my fault. I guess that is merely an opinion.

Grandma I cannot remember our prayer anymore, and I desperately looked for it but could not find it. I wish I could say it with you one more time. Or even play Shang High, I miss that so much. I do not know if you knew how angry I was out you for leaving me all alone, I do wonder if you were upset with the way things went after you passed away. Everyone got along for awhile though and we all seemed fine. I thought they were all going to band together and not let anything bad happen. I was wrong though, and sadly it all ended before I could even really enjoy it.

I forget how you sound sometimes Grandpa, and also try so hard not to think about you. I hope you do not take offense to that but every time I do I just cry. I cannot seem to stop crying with I think about you. You have been gone for 8 years how is that even possible? I can remember so many happy times with you grandpa and so many wonderful times. I can remember you doing so many things always being so active and always being outside in your garden. Chopping wood to teaching me how to take care of the four wheelers. I can remember it all. It is the littlest things I miss. I think I miss saying I love you the most.
I love you both so much and miss you both more than I can ever express in words. You both have shaped the person I want to be. I refuse to give up until I can become a person you both are proud of. Please always smile down on me when I get sad and lonely. I want to feel your love all the time, and always in my heart.

I cry a lot and I am a baby but I am trying so hard. So please never doubt how sincere I am right now and how much I loved you both and how much I want to always have your love.

I love you always and forever,
Current Location: hell
Current Mood: calmcalm
Current Music: Random Jin Akanishi music
19 January 2012 @ 11:27 am

So hello to all of LiveJournal!!

I totally have not posted on here since.. well at least a couple of months. I am sure no one really notice since I am not very active on here anyways.

Anyways, just to let everyone know, I have no internet and I have no clue when I will get it. It is a sad thing.. i know.

anyways, I hope everyone is enjoying life and everyone can appreciate the small things in life.

And remember though you think it is something small you can always effect a persons mood with the tiniest of things.


Current Location: hell
Current Mood: hungryhungry
Current Music: Tick Tack by UKISS
18 November 2011 @ 09:16 pm
I made they choice almost 4 months ago to move out of my house. I made this choice on a rushed and not thought out decision. I have never really been one to do things like that, hence why I was 20 when I finally moved out, well my main issue now is my happiness. 

I am extremely unhappy and just well down in the dumps. So I made a promise to myself, on my birthday, I refuse to be this way anymore. I am going to do everything I can in my power to make myself a better me. I have been struggling lately and I am not going to do that anymore. I am going to make me a better me, no matter what.

I do not care what anyone says because I know (and trust me I know this) I am so strong. I am know I can do anything if I put my mind to it. I am going to do these things, I refuse to be this way.

I thought moving would help but hell my stress is worse and I am sick more often. I know things have to change so I am going to make a change.I need a change, and so I am moving back home. I am going to do everything I can for myself so I can finally be happier.

No more being sad. :)
Current Location: hell
Current Mood: optimisticoptimistic
Current Music: NONE :(
07 November 2011 @ 12:19 am
Is one persons will enough? Can you wanting something so bad really enough? Has anyone ever thought about it.

You want a better life, but is that will strong enough to withstand everything?

My whole resolve on my life is starting to shake and crumble right before me but, I just watch it now, because I am at loss of what to do.

I thought moving would change my whole, would make me feel better, I thought getting another job would make me feel better... But sadly my looming feelings of guilt and such won't leave me be.

Am I truly going to always be this way?

Current Location: hell
Current Mood: discontentdiscontent
Current Music: All My Heart by Super Junior
27 October 2011 @ 02:22 pm

You are now a void.
the only one in my life.
the blackness you have created inside me is overwhelming me.
I feel as though you are consuming me.
I should thank you for the time we had.
Now all I can feel is the hate I have towards you.
Is this jealousy or simply my one-sided love?
You tell me.
I am sure it is just simply a pure hate.
To think the advice given to me about you I ignored.
How childish of me.
How stupid of me.
I have made a mistake.
I see that now.
I am sure I can no longer right this very cruel wrong.
So I will just drowned myself in this thought of hate.
Knowing there is nothing I can do.

Current Location: hell
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
Current Music: Lady by The Boss
28 August 2011 @ 02:30 pm
Okay if you are a fan of Korean Pop even more so Korean Males, you pretty much have to go through 23 months with out them. Why you ask, because they HAVE to serve in the Korean Army. It is, in the county of S. Korea mandatory to serve a minimum of 23 months in the army all before the age of 30.  You get a notice in the mail when that time comes or you can go before you get that notice. There are several things that determines if you are fit for the army, normally in order not be fit, something has to be physically wrong with you, and that really can be a range of many different things (i.e mental, teeth missing, asthma etc.)

For celebrities they do get by with a lot, and normally Korean males serve between, 21-24 but most Korean celebrities go between 28-30. Normally they get a check up at the age of 19 and re checked right before going. there are 5 grades, 1-3 being normal, 4 special services those who are given a 4 mean they have to serve there time doing civil things and 5 meaning they cannot serve at all. Very few actually do get a 5, in recent times a famous Korean Rap star MC Mong, was accused of having his molars removed, and was found guilty and had to serve 6 months in jail, 1 year of probation and 120 hours community service.

Also, JYJ was in the news earlier this year about "avoiding" their check up because they are 25 and have failed to recieve a check up, the Seoul’s Military Manpower Association released a statement on behalf of them explaining this, sense the age of 19, the boys have not been in Korea for more than 60 day time period. Which means, that even though they live in and are in Korea often, they are never there for more than 60 days at a time but recently, they have been a lot more active in Korea so they had to go and recieve there check ups.

So for people being completely upset over there idols leaving for 23 months is normal. It happens a lot, the main thing people have to remember is they will be back. Many artist have recently entered the army, most notable Kim Heechul from Super Junior. He will leave the 1st of September. Heechul is 29 now and is wanting to serve the army for his county. Heechul is very proud, as Korean. So instead of people crying, why not be proud that he is actually taking this and not avoiding it like so many people do.

Some even get American citizenships, or go as far as hurting themselves just to get out of it.

So understanding that it hurts to loose that person for 23 months, we all have to just support them in the end, because us crying or throwing a fit is not going to help them or as by any means. So just support them and wait for their comeback which will be sooner than anyone thinks.

So good luck to Heechul, Dari, Kang In and everyone else in the army right now! We all are waiting for your come back and always are supporting you!


So I am not trying to be a bitch about all this, but I just get mad when people freak out, hell guys, they are coming back and it is certianly not the end of the world. I get you love them and hell some of you worship them. Don't get me wrong when JYJ goes, I will be sad, but hell as fan we have to support them not cry, that will just make their lives harder. They will be upset as well, and for one guys we are not the ones going into the army, they have to be scared. It is hard, and they will suffer more than we could even picture. So lets try our best to support them more than rant about how you will miss them, talk about how happy you will be 23 months from now <3

Everyone, I hope those in the army right now, now we love and support them no matter what, Hyun Bin to Heechul we all love you.
23 months will come and go, once a fan always a fan in book! GOOD LUCK!

Current Location: hell
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
Current Music: Cry by Jang Geun Suk